1. "That's not my problem."
When I was in middle school, my dad took me to Game Stop, in the middle of my browsing, he abruptly storms out of the store and gets into his car. Perplexed, I go out to the car to find out that he was upset with me and that I was in trouble....again. But this time, I didn't even know what I had done wrong. Apparently, while we were in the store, some older boys were "checking me out", which upset my dad. So, instead of confronting the older boys checking out a little girl, who were indeed the problem, he confronted me and made me believe that I was the problem. He said there must be something about me that made them want to look at me in that manner, there must have been something I was wearing, or doing to make them do that. From then on there was instance after instance where I was made to believe that I was the problem when I really wasn't. Relate? In churches everywhere girls are told to change the way that they dress or else they will "cause their brothers to stumble." Oh, so WE are the reason why these boys have no self control??? Female Christian Hip Hop artist, Hillary Jane, had a beautiful opportunity to headline a tour with the times popular male CHH artists but she was taken off the tour because, "There will be late nights on tour together, and lot's of time spent between the sexes, oh and we don't want any assumptions or anything to really happen." So she has to miss out on her big moment and her break because you don't think the guys can handle it? Why is she considered the problem? Women have the tendency to take on other people's pain, insecurities and problems and live life as if THEY are the problem. We end up blaming ourselves, even in situations such as rape. We must begin to say "that's not my problem", and separate ourselves from the problems of others and understand that their issues are not our own and refuse to own them.
2. "That's not my name"
I would criiiiiiinge when someone would call me "sis" when they didn't even know me like that nor mean it. A girl talking behind your back but in church saying, "hey sis!" to the guy that only sees you as a prospect, not a human being and literally just wants to f*ck but when he addresses you he says, "hey sis, wussup." That's not my name. You don't mean it, therefore its fake, that makes me uncomfortable, just call me by my name. We need to understand that it is not "rude" to want to be addressed a certain way. Maybe you hate when your boss calls you "sweetie" or when that random man calls you "aye" lol. It is ok to correct whoever is speaking and refuse to be addressed as something that makes you uncomfortable or doesn't match who you truly are to them. So the next time someone calls you "baby" and they aint cha man....its ok to let them know, "that's not my name"...at least to you it isn't.
3. "I'm leaving."
This one is simple. I've found myself in TOO MANY bad situations because I ignored my gut feeling (the Holy Spirit) telling me that something aint right. No matter how nice the person seems or how perfect and calm the situation may be at the moment, if you feel in your gut that something aint right, its ok to get out of that situation. No matter who calls you crazy or looks at you crazy, we gotta love ourselves enough to trust our instincts. Next time you don't like what's going on....it's ok to just leave.....I promise.
I can't even count on my hands how many times I've allowed someone to emotionally bully me into agreeing to do something that I didn't want to do. I was scared to say no in fear of their reaction, the end of a friendship or whatever the illogical fear in my head was. Girls need to learn to say no without fear, mean it and follow through with it. We need to understand that we have the power to disallow something in our life, even when we feel powerless. Next time you want to say no, actually say it, mean it from the depths of your soul, really mean it and stand by it. "No" doesn't mean convince me, nor does it mean keep trying or maybe later if you keep annoying me or until you scream at me and scare me into complying, no simply means.....no. & ITS OKAY TO SAY IT.
5. "I'll build my own door."
I would love for more girls to adopt this logic. If you keep knocking at an opportunity and getting ignored, disrespected, not taken seriously or whatever.....get the creativity and the strength to build your own damn door. Create your own opportunity, create your own lane. If someone won't help you or do it for you....it's ok and it is possible to do it yourself. I love how Blimes Brixton launched Peach House Records, a sort of safe haven for female recording artists or how Snow Tha Product began her career by making and sending her own merch, creating her music herself, releasing it herself, going on tour by herself, creating her own platform herself, promoting herself etc. More women should stop waiting on opportunities and begin creating them. We are creators by nature. Don't waste your energy beating someone else's door down. Save your energy and use it to build your own door with that same relentlessness and passion.
6. "I'm worth more than that....keep going."
Selling things online has almost ruined how we view value. Have you ever set a price on something you want to sell but then you see the "market value" is lower so you need to lower your price in order to sell it...oh and when you finally get a potential buyer and they try to get you to sell it cheaper and you're so scared to lose out on that buyer because omg what if no one else wants it, what if no one else is interested, ok I'll just sell it to them. Women need to stop doing this....in REAL life. If we truly know our worth, our value and what we deserve, then why are we so quick to sell ourselves short or negotiate a deal in fear that they won't see the value that we do? In relationships, business deals or work salaries....we constantly just take what we can get. We know that we deserve more but inside we don't feel worthy or that it is possible. Yeah, girls need to stop that.
7. "If I gotta be a b*tch imma be a bad one."
As Kehlani so eloquently put it! To sum everything up, girls historically have been told to be non confrontational, sweet, nice, easy going even at the expense of their own safety, happiness or beliefs. Out of fear of being labeled a b*tch, we have silenced our thoughts and feelings, gone along with things we don't feel comfortable with, stayed at dead end jobs, accepted offers we should have refused etc etc etc.... No matter what, someone is going to eventually view you as a b*tch if you're trying to make any significant impact in this world. Accept it and just make sure you're a bad one, standing for what you believe in, doing good wherever you go and leading this next generation of girls into power and not further into silence, shame or bondage.